


When Feet Hit the Pavement

by Coppercurls



Series: the fix-it AU I need [2]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Gen, Implied/Referenced Suicide, POV Alternating, Pre-Canon, Trans Female Character, Vanya suddenly has more siblings on her hands, accidental/unknown misgendering, they will heal and they will like it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-04
Updated: 2019-12-04
Packaged: 2021-02-25 04:49:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21670222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Coppercurls/pseuds/Coppercurls
Summary: “Hello?”“Vanya?”“Yes, can I ask who’s—Lu-?”“Yeah, yes, It’s me. Um, how are you? Still playing the violin?”~Vanya is fresh out of the hospital when her sibling calls on her for help.
Relationships: The Hargreeves Siblings
Series: the fix-it AU I need [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1562227
Comments: 22
Kudos: 183





	When Feet Hit the Pavement

**Author's Note:**

> I highly recommend reading the first in the series, but I con't tell you what to do, so live your life
> 
> Old Reggie, the bastard, is implied to be homo/transphobic, but it's only mentioned in a throwaway line, but please be aware

“Hello?”

“Vanya?”

“Yes, can I ask who’s—Lu-?”

“Yeah, yes, It’s me. Um, how are you? Still playing the violin?”

“Yeah, I’ve been teaching lessons… Are you okay? It’s kind of late, and, well, you normally don’t call… at all.”

“It is late, isn’t it? Sorry, this was a bad idea. I’ll, well, I’ll call sometime?”

“Luther what’s wrong?”

“…Can I visit you?”

“Like… right now?”

“Wait… It’s late. Tomorrow? Or anytime, really-”

“Do you have my address?”

“Yeah, it was listed with your phone number.”

“Okay, call a cab. I can pay for it once you get here if you don’t have money.”

“…Thanks, Vanya.”

~

Vanya texted Chris the moment she was off the phone to let her know her brother was coming for the night. They hadn’t found an apartment for the three of them yet, though Vanya had yet to talk Chris out of the idea, but Chris had a key and would know if something was out of the ordinary even before seeing Luther. Chris called it her ‘mom instinct’. 

Luckily, her apartment was fairly clean. There was sheet music scattered across the coffee table, but she hadn’t been out of the hospital more than a week, and Chris had gone in and cleaned while she was gone. 

Chris and Emma were her family, even as Vanya was trying to push them away the last couple days. Not Klaus (in rehab, she hadn’t called back yet), not Luther.

She hadn’t heard from him since three months after they turned eighteen. Four years. Now he was calling at two a.m. asking to visit. 

Her fingers itched for a pill. 

The doctor had given her a different ‘as needed’ pill to supplement her new daily regimen. It did fuck all for her anxiety.

Chris had dumped all her alcohol, so she put on the kettle to boil.

Vanya made a mug of chamomile and cleared away the sheet music. She sat on the bench under her window sill and watched for a taxi’s headlights. 

When she saw a taxi pull to a stop, she went down to let Luther in, wallet in hand in case she needed to pay. She opened the outer door to see him stooped through the window already, before waving the taxi away.

He must have had money. 

He was taller than she remembered, and she remembered him tall. His hair was longer, shaggy past his ears, and he seemed to have put on a little bit of muscle, maybe his shoulders filled out a bit, but for the most part, Number One looked exactly as she remembered. 

Except…

His head was down, his shoulders hunched in. It looked as if he was trying to take up less space. That was what she did. Not him. His voice had even sounded meek over the phone.

What was happening?

Vanya gave him a brief hug before leading the way to her apartment. She hadn’t given him time to hug back. 

“Sorry about the stairs,” Vanya said after the first flight. She was already a bit winded, though she knew he must not have noticed. “The elevator’s out of order.”

“It’s no problem,” Luther said. 

It couldn’t have been more than a couple minutes but with the silence, it felt like years before Vanya led them into her apartment. 

“It’s not much.” Vanya didn’t bother showing him around, there wasn’t much to see. “Do you want any tea? Water?”

“No thank you,” Luther said. 

When she turned back to him, Vanya noticed for the first time that he had a duffle bag with him. It looked rather full. Luther was clutching the straps. Vanya’s fingers looked for the pill bottle in her pocket. She found nothing and grabbed her tea instead.

“Um, I don’t know why you wanted to visit? But I’m meant to take my neighbors daughter to school tomorrow. You can take my bed, and we can have breakfast together after?”

Part of her thought, what with his new meekness, that Luther might refuse her bed, but he didn’t even blink before looking through her open bedroom door and walking in. 

Number Seven is useful only to use. To take advantage of. 

She set her mug on the kitchen counter and set the couch as a bed. One flat sheet, one afghan blanket, one too-flat pillow. 

She didn’t know if she’d be able to sleep yet, but she might as well try. There wasn’t anything else to do. 

She went to dump her tea out.

“Vanya?”

She jumped half out of her skin before turning to see Luther filling her bedroom door frame. 

“Yeah?”

He was quiet and she could see the way he was searching for the right words. 

“I don’t think I’m going to go back.” 

She bit back her shock and managed to stay silent as she processed this. Perfect Number One? Running away? She sifted through her questions, finding one to start with, but Luther wasn’t done with what he had to say. 

“Dad doesn’t get it, he never has. I can’t tell him. I’m trans, Vanya. I’m a girl.”

The door to the bedroom swung shut before Vanya had to find a response. 

~

It was fifteen minutes earlier than planned that Chris let Vanya into her apartment.

“Can I borrow some of your clothes?” Vanya barely waited for Chris to nod before she was off to her closet.

Chris had never seen Vanya like that. 

She was worried, of course, when her friend mentioned her brother coming to visit, but Chris hadn’t seen the text til morning, when it was too late for her to do anything. She didn’t know much about Vanya’s family except that Vanya was not close with any of them. 

(Chris may have read the letter, from that night. She may have been sobbing after the entry addressed to her. She may have read the rest and swore that Vanya would have a better family.)

That in addition to her frazzled state that morning made Chris worry.

She forced herself to finish making breakfast and packing Emma’s lunch. She could wait until Vanya came back out to question her. 

And she did return, only a few minutes later, folding her pajamas to drop back by her apartment. Chris’s clothes were a bit too tall for Vanya, and Vanya had to cuff the borrowed jeans a few times, and she played it safe with a sweatshirt for her top. 

Her hair was down, which Chris had grown to recognize as a way to hide. Vanya mentioned feeling invisible that night, so gone on booze and meds that she couldn’t filter her thoughts. Chris thought invisibility, hiding, was the way Vanya felt safe, even as it made her feel so dreadfully alone. 

“Morning, Van,” Chris greeted. “Coffee?”

“Please,” she responded, taking the mug with a small smile. 

“So,” Chris said into the warm morning quiet, lathering a piece of bread in peanut butter, “your brother came over last night?”

“Yeah.” Vanya sipped at her coffee before some kind of anxiety made her continue, “um, yeah, well, um, L- One? Came over but—”

“Miss Vanya!” Emma ran into the room and threw her arms around her, as was the standard greeting since they’d picked Vanya up. “Did you sleep good? I did, Mommy let me read for a whole extra thirty minutes last night!”

Chris loved her daughter to the moon and back. But Emma managed to carry on a conversation entirely by herself through breakfast and the walk to her elementary school. Chris wasn’t able to talk to Vanya for that entire forty minutes. Chris wasn’t sure she even said much beyond a rushed, “Love you!” as Emma ran to class.

By the time Chris and Vanya turned to walk back to their apartments, though, Vanya looked at ease. Her hair was pushed behind her ears and there was a light in her eye that was so foreign to Chris. 

She wasn’t sure that she’d ever seen it before the hospital. Chris wasn’t quite sure how that worked. She wasn’t sure how she had missed this much about her friend.

“So,” Chris started, unsure of what even to say.

“Yeah,” Vanya responded, and she seemed content to leave it there, but Chris wasn’t going to let it go that easy.

“You have a therapy session this afternoon if you need to wait til after that to give me the full story, but what’s going on?”

Vanya opened her mouth, thought better of it, then squeezed her lips white while she thought. Chris let her. “So… Lu- um, One, came last night? Um, it seemed like… she was really shaken.”

“Okay, One, Spaceboy, yeah? Super strength macho man?”

“Actually… She’s trans. She came out to me last night.”

“Oh. Wow, that’s kind of a lot. You haven’t talked to her for a while, right?” Even while walking, Chris was carefully cataloguing Vanya’s body language. Her right hand kept tapping her pocket, a nervous tick that she’d just started to notice. 

Vanya’s family was never an easy subject. Chris remembered the night Vanya first told her about living with the Umbrella Academy. Emma was at a sleepover, and it was only at the bottom of three bottles of wine that Vanya said even that. 

She never said much all at once, but Chris had been piecing things together over time.

“Yeah, I hadn’t heard from her since a couple months after I moved out. Um, I had asked her if she wanted to move in with me, we fought.”

It seemed like Vanya was ready to stop talking about this subject. She was fragile right now. 

Before Chris checked Vanya out of the hospital, a doctor had pulled her aside and gave her information about how to best help Vanya readjust. He’d advised to avoid big decisions for a while, but Chris didn’t think there was much of a choice with this one.

“Should I start looking for places with four bedrooms?”

Vanya was tense, the hairs of a violin bow tightened to snapping. “I, um, I’ll have to talk to her.”

Chris nodded. “If you want, you two can use my kitchen for breakfast when we get back. I told my boss I’d write up some reports since he said I could stay home this week, so I’ll be shut up in my room for a few hours.”

Chris didn’t say that she wanted Vanya close. She thought Vanya knew that, she even seemed okay with it. 

“Yeah.”

They walked in the noises of a city morning, not adding to it’s chatter. It was peaceful. 

As they were passing the last bodega before their apartment building, Vanya stopped. 

“I should get eggs,” she said. “H- She’s always been able to eat her way through the pantry.”

They left the bodega with eggs, bacon, pancake mix, milk, and orange juice. They had remembered it was supposed to be their grocery trip that afternoon. 

It took every bit of self-control Chris had to simply retreat to her room with her coffee the moment they got home. It would probably be easier for Vanya and her sister to talk before inserting a stranger into the equation.

But, God, she was curious.

~

Klaus did Not Like rehab.

That was an understatement. Klaus hated rehab. Despised it. Would happily push whoever invented it down the stairs. 

Ben would say he was being dramatic. Hence, he glared at Ben. 

“Bee in your bonnet?” Ben asked. He was sprawled out in the middle of the sharing circle. The sharing circle probably had some stupid clinical name he should use. He was probably supposed to listen to whatever the bitch with the shitty bleached hair was saying. 

“Fuck off,” he mumbled. The woman next to him barely glanced his way and Ben didn’t react at all.

The Bleach Blonde Bitch sat down. 

Mr. Grad Student stood up. He’d spoken the day before.

Grad student. Bad student. Bad lewdness. Crass shrewdness. Shrew. She’s a shrew, you know, said the ghost back then in the corner. The Shrew gurgled through her broken neck and the man ghost, Bowtie Bastard, tried to drink from his flask. Flask. Flask. 

Tip back the liquor Klaus Mr. Grad Student wouldn’t mind.

“Hey,” Ben said, suddenly sitting up. “You good?”

Klaus realized he was shaking. His brow was furrowed, and he thought his eyes were closed but Ben was looking at him. Fuck. 

Fuck a duck in the ass. Fuck him sideways with a cactus. Fuck him in the ear with a lit cigar.

Laughter was a slaughter. Manslaughter. Man’s laughter. His laughter interrupted Mr. Grad Student talking about his thesis, what was a thesis.

“Klaus if you’re going to be disruptive it would be best for you to leave,” said the woman with the pink pants. The moderator. The shrink.

“Seriously, bro, what’s wrong?” Ben said, kneeling in front of Klaus’s chair.

His laughter stopped and it was almost quiet. Klaus stood and spun from the room to the tune of the little girl Nursery Rhyme, dead in the room from some bloody smash in her head. 

God, he needed something.

It’d always been easy for him to lose his mind, see a waltz doesn’t keep it, and he’s so quiet and the ghosts are not and Vanya hasn’t called. 

There’s a tripwire somewhere. Mortality. Another hit and he won’t trip.

~

“Please leave a message after the beep.”

*beeeeeeep*

“Vanya!” 

She’d listen to it later and he’d sound manic. He had to hold it, the façade of being high, until he was high again. It strained.

“I’ve only talked to junkies and shrinks for days! I think it’s out-crazied the ghosts. Give me a ring! I want to hear your magnificent music again.”

He doesn’t say he’d been playing the piano again.

“Anywaysssssss, toodles! Gotta go eat this joint out of house and home.”

The end was abrupt.

Ends were abrupt.

~

Lu liked things black and white. 

For example: she had powers and using them in missions made the world better. Criminals were bad and justice was good. Dad knew the best way to enact justice. That was the principle Lu had staked her entire life on up until about a year and a half ago. Then the black and white of her existence got gray and colorful and so messy. 

See, Dad hadn’t bothered to accompany her to missions after the third she completed on her own. It gave her a new sense of independence, especially as the media attention had died down around the Umbrella Academy after Ben’s death. 

She could drive herself to a mission, brief the first responders, and sometimes treat herself to a milkshake on the way home. The time alone was a novelty at first.

Then, three weeks after her, their, twenty-first birthday, there was a mission. A building collapsed, and while there weren’t any bad guys to fight, she’d started showing up to disasters like that, ones her strength would help. 

She saved people. It was an excuse to leave the house, the novelty of being alone had worn off quickly. Dad might congratulate her. 

And the firefighters afterwards asked her if she wanted to join them for a beer or two, they were finishing their shift soon, “You’re twenty-one now, yeah?”

She was and she did. 

The beer she tried was gross, she almost spit it all over the table. The firefighters laughed and teased her, and the one named Anne bought her a cider instead and the one named David offered to drink the rest of her beer. 

It was a new kind of comradery for her, different than back when she and her siblings used to sneak out, but it felt similar to that freedom.

She maybe drank more than she should have.

It wasn’t like Dad would notice her absence unless she missed training in the morning.

Then Anne and the firefighter named Mateo pulled her onto the dance floor and she was having fun. She wasn’t sure when she’d last had fun.

Maybe Klaus had it right all along.

It was almost as if that thought itself conjured her brother, because there he was. Swaying to the edges of his balance, a smear of lipstick pressed by other lips onto the edges of his mouth. He was high, more than he normally was back home.

Four was the one Lu saw most often since all her siblings left. He always seemed to know when Dad was out of town, and he’d use that opportunity to crash in his old room and eat Mom’s cooking.

He and Lu never talked much, but Lu still enjoyed the presence of another human in the halls. Klaus always was good at adding life to a place.

“Lu-Lu!” he yelled over the music. “The exalted numero uno!”

“Hey Klaus,” she said, a smile on her face. Was she happy to see him?

“You’re out and about! Do you have a drink? Do you need a drink? Have you finally decided to pull that stick out of your ass?”

Something in her thought she should be mad, but she wasn’t, so she laughed. 

“You have got to introduce me to that tall drink of water you’re here with!” Klaus yelled in her ear, an approximation of a whisper.

And now she was confused. “Anne?” Anne wasn’t really tall. Or water. 

Klaus giggled, draped over her shoulder and still somehow swaying and she was somehow still smiling, her cheeks maybe growing sore. “She’s cute as a button! But, no, no, I’ll leave her for you, mein bruder. I’m talking about that fella.”

Lu followed his gaze and saw Mateo. “Mateo? He’s a man.”

“Yes, I can see that,” Four said. “In fact, he’s a very attractive man.”

“But… You’re a man.”

“O-hoo has Daddy dearest been teaching you the arts of observation?” He continued before she could respond. “I’m pansexual, Number One. Ladies, gents, and anyone else.”

Lu could feel her thoughts not connecting. But above all the other questions was—“Anyone else?”

Klaus moved like Lu always imagined a Fey would, sharp fluidity. He was much more clumsy than a Fey should be, though. “Luther, please, for the love of God, learn about queer people before I see you next.”

“Okay,” Lu said, and felt herself go pliant as Klaus pulled her back over to where the firefighters were dancing.

Three weeks later, as she was driving back from a mission, the third one in as many days, and she saw a bookstore on the corner as she was waiting for the light to change. There was a rainbow flag in the corner of the window, and even she knew enough to know that that was the Gay Flag.

She found herself parking. She found herself walking into the store and asking, “Um, do you have any books about queer people?”

The clerk was warm and cautious and Lu found herself leaving with two books on the nuances of human sexuality and gender. 

She got home and hid them under her bed.

For some reason, she didn’t want Dad to see. 

She turned twenty-two months later and was certain.

She was a trans woman.

She started growing out her hair and experimenting with the makeup and jewelry she could scrounge up from Allison and Klaus and Mom. She bought herself a sweater, cashmere, so subtly feminine. 

In February she asked Dad about doing volunteer work in addition to missions. Dad seemed to be receptive to the idea.

Until she mentioned that she intended to find a position at a shelter for homeless queer teens.

After that, Lu thought it might be best if she forgot about being trans.

Something in her must have felt differently because it only took two months and twenty-three days to give up. Time spent feeling her shoulders become too broad, her muscles were wrong, maybe the vomiting would help, maybe she should burn everything she had of individuality, she could be Number One, she could—

It was nearly two in the morning and Lu stopped staring into her own mirrored eyes and her shaking fingers dialed Vanya’s number.

~

Lu woke up in a place she had never been before. The walls had a few framed sheets of music, and there was a solitary strand of fairy lights strung above the head of the bed. It was a queen bed, so much bigger than the twin Lu was used to. 

It was louder than it was in the recesses of the mansion, the street outside had cars and people chattering. More casual life than Lu had ever known. 

She laid in bed longer than she ever had. Seven said they’d have breakfast after she got back from… something.

There was a duffel bag full of everything Lu decided was worth it.

Fuck.

She wasn’t ever going home, was she?

It had been a while since she cried. After Ben’s death, once she was alone and the sobs of her siblings died off into the night.

She began to cry. 

~

At some point, Vanya came and said she was next door in apartment three-oh-seven whenever Lu was ready for breakfast.

It definitely wasn’t cold enough for it, but she wore the slightly feminine cashmere sweater she had. She had never been all too close with Vanya, now she was relying on her. She didn’t have a back-up plan.

That was likely the sign of a bad leader.

She stared into her own eyes in the mirror for far too long before splashing her face with cold water. That might help with the puffiness of her eyes. She didn’t bother with shoes or knocking once she got to the apartment Seven named.

It looked more lived in than Vanya’s, there was a pile of shoes haphazard next to the door, a coat rack with coats and hats and keys, little things scattered everywhere. 

Lu had never seen anything like it. 

And yet there with it all was Seven playing her violin. She was sitting cross-legged on the couch, and playing was more like angrily plucking at strings, but it was familiar. One of the sounds that was the background of their childhood, and something in Lu broke with that sound.

She sat on the couch, as far away from Vanya as she could. Vanya glanced at her but didn’t stop playing. Lu was the leader, this was little Number Seven, they should get a move on with their day, there were things to be done. 

Lu sat as still as she could manage. She tried not to think. She kept thinking.

Maybe she should just go home. It wasn’t too bad there. She had Dad’s approval, she was doing what he wanted her to, she was safe there. 

“Want breakfast?” Vanya said, some time later. Lu’s thoughts were coming slowly, what with how hard she was fighting against them. 

There was a Dutch fable she remembered from a book Ben liked to read, from way back when Ben was Six and picture books hadn’t been deemed too childish. A little boy was running home right before a storm and he saw a hole in the flood wall already leaking. He knew in the height of the storm it could destroy the wall, leaving his town to be flooded, so he stuck his finger in the crack, stopping the leak. 

Right now, Lu’s finger was numb in the flood wall.

She nodded, and she moved to the table she saw pushed against the wall under the window. Vanya ducked away to what Lu assumed was the kitchen. She came back out with a plate of bacon and scrambled eggs in one hand, a plate of pancakes in the other. She disappeared again and Lu belatedly wondered if she needed help. Seven was back with two glasses of orange juice and a bottle of syrup before Lu had decided to do anything.

“Thanks,” Lu said.

She didn’t even notice they were eating in silence until Vanya broke it. Lu flinched with the sound.

“Um, have you chosen a new name? I’ve been calling you Lu, but, um, is that okay?”

Lu opened her mouth a few times, no sound coming out. Mealtimes were silent, more so after it was only her and Dad. Sound felt blasphemous.

Vanya seemed to know what was going through her head. “You’re allowed to talk, Lu.” There was a sharpness, and a weariness, that didn’t belong in Seven’s voice. 

“I like Lu,” she finally said, moments later, Vanya already refocused on her food. “I think I like Louise.”

“Okay, Louise it is, then,” she said, the sharpness gone but weariness all too present. 

Louise felt right as she rolled it around in her mind, and she knew once she spoke it. It felt like she wasn’t disrespecting the gift Mom had given her too much. She knew Vanya had put more food on her plate. Louise tried not to disrespect that either but God she needed to be smaller. 

She was still picking at her plate when she brought herself to speak again. It was easier to speak if she didn’t have to look at her sister. 

“Remember when we were eighteen, and we got in that fight?” 

Louise glanced up to meet Seven’s eyes. She remembered the fight. 

“Yes,” Vanya said, all that sharpness back, sharpness that belonged to Two. Lou didn’t know where it was coming from. Vanya never used to get too bothered about anything.

“Is that offer still on the table?” She was stabbing at her eggs again. She didn’t have a backup plan how could she be so stupid—

Vanya sighed. “Yeah, of course. But, um, my life has changed since then. We’ll need to have rules, and I’m planning on moving in with Chris and Emma this summer, so, we can look for bigger places so you can come with us, but I can’t, I won’t, sacrifice my healing for you.”

There was a lot there, and Louise didn’t know where to start. So she fell back on her training. [Leaders aren’t responsible for the emotional wellbeing of their team, Number One. They’re responsible for getting the job done. So get the job done. I won’t allow you to disappoint me.] Be goal-oriented.

“Chris and Emma?” What she wanted to ask about was ‘healing’ but that could be tabled for later.

“This is their apartment. They’ve become my family.”

Louise wanted to object, Vanya already had a family. Why did she need another one? But she bit her tongue. Seven was being kind. One knew enough to know that kindness should be accepted without vitriol. 

“Okay.” Louise thought that was sufficient, but Vanya was still watching her, waiting. “Uh, I can see they’re important to you?”

“They are.” 

In the renewed silence, Vanya began clearing the table. Louise abandoned her mostly finished eggs in order to help. Breakfast was over and she didn’t have training and by then Dad would have known she’d left. She wanted to think that he would be upset by her loss, that maybe being Number One granted her that much. Part of her thought it more likely he’d view her loss the same way he saw her siblings go; barely a blink before getting on with his work. 

Her joints felt stiff. She was moving all wrong, she was too large. She wasn’t normal enough for this, she wasn’t normal at all what was she thinking—

“What am I going to do?”

Louise didn’t even comprehend her words until Vanya stopped washing dishes and instead led her to the couch. Vanya sat down close to Louise, not close enough to be touching, but any chasm of space wasn’t meaningful.

Vanya even tried patting her shoulder in a way that One assumed was meant to be comforting. Louise wanted to laugh, so she did, a single and hollow sound.

“It’s all I’ve ever known Vanya. What do I do?”

And wasn’t that ironic? Big, strong Number One begging useless little Number Seven for help. Louise probably had a lot she needed to rethink. 

“Well, for one, we’ll need to go shopping. Chris and I were planning to grocery shop this afternoon after we pick up Emma. I’ll get an air mattress, and extra sheets maybe, and you probably need clothes?”

Louise nodded. 

“Alright, that’s a start then. We can also go by the library, get you some books. Maybe just for fun? But you’ll also need to research career options, and think about if you’d like to transition, like, with hormones and stuff.”

Maybe that would help her body be better. Maybe a career could be her new mission.

“That… sounds okay. Yeah, that’s a good plan.”

Louise noticed Vanya was fidgeting, her fingers tapping patterns on her leg. Oddly enough, knowing that Vanya was also uncomfortable was comforting. 

“So,” Vanya said, after a long pause where they just listened to the wind outside. “Chris is back in her room, doing some work, but I know she’d like to meet you. Is that okay?”

“Right now?” And Louise hated how small her voice sounded.

“Not if you don’t want,” Vanya said. “But if you want to stay in this apartment, you’ll see her soon. I’m not asking her to stay locked up in her room all day.”

She hadn’t noticed before how drafty the room was. She thought about being alone again, and it felt so repulsive. She didn’t leave to keep on being alone. 

Vanya set her hand on Louise’s shoulder. “Look, Chris is better at this kind of stuff than I am. She’ll be able to help.”

“Okay.” Louise could swallow her apprehension, she’d done it a million times before.

She kept her feet planted on the floor and she could face whatever she needed to. 

Chris was a woman who was a few years older than them, and not quite a foot shorter than Louise, putting her around five and a half feet. She appeared to be Latina, brown eyes and brown hair in a pony tail, full lips and an oval face with a sharper chin than average. She was wearing a t-shirt for some triathlon and sweatpants, and there was a blanket over her shoulders even as she carried a laptop and paper-stuffed binder out to the kitchen table. 

Louise reminded herself that she wouldn’t have to provide a description of Chris to anyone. She didn’t need to analyze her. 

Louise stood to greet her, shaking her hand once Chris’s hands were free. “I’m Louise.”

“Chris, it’s good to meet you. Coffee?”

“Um…”

“Dad didn’t allow coffee. Maybe water? Or tea?” Vanya said, speaking over Louise’s indecision. Lou just nodded.

“Can do,” Chris said after a too quiet moment. She went to the kitchen and started pulling out mugs. “Van?”

“Coffee for me, with milk.”

She found herself watching out the window. Just normal people, going about their normal lives. Her life was changing. It was terrifying. She felt an itch in her skin to just go home, to let herself waste away in stasis. It was so tempting. 

A newspaper plopped down in front of her interrupted her thoughts. Vanya was playing the violin, something crisp. Chris gave her a pen and pointed at the newspaper.

“Go through the help wanted section. I know you probably haven’t thought about a career yet, but if you’re moving with us that means we’ll need a bigger place, which costs money. You’ll have to contribute”

Louise didn’t object, just did as she was told. It was so natural to just do as she was told.

~

Dr. Mae Kumara had about seventeen things on her mind in the minutes leading up to her first session with a new client.

She needed to do research on EMDR, since one of her clients wanted to pursue that treatment. Her personal secretary was off sick that day, so one of the other therapists and her were sharing a secretary and Dr. Kumara had reservations about that. She was also hoping her secretary was feeling better. Her husband had texted her to confirm their sons’ trips back home this summer. And she had a new client coming in, straight from the hospital. 

It was shaping up to be the kind of Wednesday wherein a lot happened. Dr. Mae Kumara was ready to go home and cuddle with her dog.

First though, an intake session with a Ms. Vanya Hargreeves. 

From flipping through the hospital’s information on her, she couldn’t get much. It was her first time being treated for mental illness, and Vanya had been diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. That didn’t tell Dr. Kumara much, it was almost a default diagnosis, especially for a suicidal girl’s first assessment. 

She did note, however, that Vanya had been on a daily dose of benzodiazepines since she was a child. The file says that her father gave them to her for anxiety and that her most recent dose was two at breakfast, one at lunch, and two before bed with additionally instructions to take as needed, up to four, through the day. 

That in and of itself was concerning, but what was worse was that there were no records of this prescription. No medical records of Vanya Hargreeves at all until her admittance to the E.R.

Dr. Kumara needed tea and advil. Her secretary was gone. She’d have to get it herself.

~

The therapists’ office was dimly lit, a table of tea options against one wall and coloring sheets and word searches spread on the coffee table, the waiting room was full with love seats and sofas.

Vanya couldn’t stop her left leg from bouncing. She’d never been to therapy before. She’d never met this woman before. She trusted people so rarely. See if her superhero siblings found out she’d let the family secrets out she wasn’t sure if their shared childhood would save her from their wrath if telling anyone how broken she felt to be ordinary would help if—

Scales to calm her breathing. C major, no sharps no flats. G major, f sharp. D major, f sharp and c sharp. A major, f—

“Vanya?”

She looked up sharply, frozen, a deer in the headlights. 

Spotlighting was a practice where hunters would stun a deer in a spot light to shoot them fast.

God, please shoot her fast.

The woman who called her name was shorter than Vanya, Asian American, dressed in a green wrap dress. It didn’t look like she was wearing makeup, crows feet proudly on display in the corners of her eyes, her hair down except for strands haphazardly pinned away from her face. 

Vanya’s hands were shaking. 

“Come on in.”

~

Dr. Kumara immediately noted her new client’s jitters. It wasn’t uncommon in new patients, so she knew to prepare herself for a bit of a slow session. Hopefully getting through Vanya’s basic life timeline.

In all honesty, Dr. Kumara had a curiosity streak when it came to her patients. She had to puzzle through their lives before she would know how best to help. She knew she could be intense, but she was comfortable in her methods. She was always willing to set up clients with softer therapists if they needed, and something in her said that Vanya may need that. She would keep that in mind as they talked.

“Hi, Vanya, I’m Dr. Mae Kumara. How’s your day going?”

Vanya blinked at her, her gaze shifting between Dr. Kumara’s face and her notepad. “I guess it’s been alright.”

“I’m glad. How have things been these past few days? It can be a shock leaving a hospital stay. How’s that readjustment been?”

“It’s been… good.” Vanya chewed on her lip, and after a pause, Dr. Kumara realized she needed a bit more prompting.

“How so? You’ve got to give me something to work with, Vanya.”

She was chewing her lip again, but Dr. Kumara just waited. It took an extended moment, but then, “Um, my friend Chris, and her daughter. They’ve been really supportive, and, well, you know.”

“I don’t know, Vanya. I’d like to though.”

“Okay.” Another pause. Vanya’s head was bowed, her hair hiding her face, the only sound being the pounding rain against the window. “I… well… I didn’t realize they cared so much. It’s just… Emma, the daughter, she’s the one who found me.”

Dr. Kumara looked at her, waiting, watching the girl’s fingers fidgeting, tapping on her pocket. She wasn’t going to continue. 

“Can I ask, what led to your attempt?”

More quiet. More rain. 

“I’m… not close to my family. I have a lot of siblings but… it’s always seemed like they only care enough to fulfill their obligation. And… I’ve been living on my own for over four years, and I still don’t have, like, my people. I’m just… alone.”

Vanya was watching out the window, torrents of rain now. Dr. Kumara jotted a note, ‘strained family.’

“What are your siblings like?”

She huffed a laugh. “Well, I have six.”

Dr. Kumara laughed a little too, trying to make Vanya more comfortable.

“You actually remind me of one of my brothers. He was probably my best friend.” Dr. Kumara tried not to raise her eyes at the ‘was.’ 

“Then I, well, I guess I have two sisters. And three other brothers.”

“You were closest with that brother?”

“Yeah. Yeah. He… our father was… harsh. Five, he drew the fire, a lot. He would play it off as arrogance, but… sometimes he would come to my room and just listen to me play, for hours. It always… he seemed to always be in motion. But when that would happen, he would just… stare, so blankly, so still.”

Dr. Kumara felt like there was something there, tied up around Vanya’s relationship with her brother Five. And something around the fact that a child was named a number. Maybe just a few questions. “Where’s Five been recently?”

Vanya sighed, so heavy for her small frame, Dr. Kumara could barely see her face through her hair. 

“We don’t know. He left. We were thirteen.”

Some things hit a little close to home for Dr. Kumara. Some things felt like they were eating at her gut. “That’s a hard thing to go through.”

She continued, not even acknowledging that Dr. Kumara had said anything. “I drifted apart from the rest of them after that. Then, Ben… he died. Suicide. Seventeen. It all seemed to crumble after that. Like, I love them, I do. I just… I don’t see them. And… it’s just… hard.”

Dr. Kumara jotted a few more notes, not letting herself get choked up. She didn’t know yet if compassion would be welcomed with Vanya.

“Have you seen any of them since the hospitalization? Do they know?”

“No.” Vanya’s voice was swift and sure. “I mean, I’ve talked to Klaus, which was hard, and there’s the whole thing with Louise, but, no, they don’t know.”

She wrote ‘thing with Louise’ to remind her to revisit that later. For then, though, “Do you think you could tell one of them?”

It was quiet again. “I… don’t know.”

“Okay,” Dr. Kumara said. “You don’t have to know. There’s time. Do you want to talk about this ‘thing with Louise’?” 

“I probably should.”

Vanya pulled her hair back, tucking some of it behind her ear. Dr. Kumara carefully noted the ways Vanya responded to bluntness, to coaxing, to empathy. By the end of the session, she though that, maybe, she and Vanya would be a good fit after all.

~

It wasn’t raining during afternoon recess, but by the time school ended Mrs. Chandler wouldn’t let them wait outside for their parents because it was so stormy. 

Emma didn’t like having to stay inside. Her and Danny were going to play tetherball until their parents came but now they couldn’t. She settled for glaring out the window while waiting for Miss Vanya and Mommy to come. 

When they did arrive, there was another person with them. 

“Hey, Emma,” Miss Vanya said. “This is my sister, Louise.”

“Hi Miss Louise! Do you play violin too? Miss Vanya is teaching me.” Miss Louise was very tall, Emma had to look up a lot. “That sweater looks really soft, can I touch it?”

Miss Louise didn’t say anything, but she nodded. Emma pet the blue fabric excitedly. It was like velvet. “I love it,” she said. She grabbed Miss Louise’s hand as they walked, pulling her along to home. Miss Louise was someone new to talk to, and she seemed uncomfortable. Mommy said people liked talking to her, maybe she could help. “So, do you play violin? Or the big one?”

“Ah, no, I don’t really know music,” Miss Louise said. Emma shrugged.

“That’s okay! Do you want to hold my backpack?” The second Miss Louise took the bag, Emma ran into the rain to jump on a puddle. She was satisfied with her splash. 

“Ems, don’t get wet!” Mommy called from back a bit, where Miss Vanya and Mommy were walking.

Emma saw Miss Louise flinch and frowned. Flinching would not help Miss Louise cheer up. 

“The rain is stopping though!” Emma protested. “I’ll put on dry clothes when we get home?”

“And a shower?”

“Deal!”

That time, Emma heard laughter as she made an even bigger splash. 

“What do you do instead of violin?” Miss Vanya and Mommy started talking to each other, so Emma made sure to talk to Miss Louise even as she was jumping through the dying rain.

“Well, I lift weights.”

Emma wrinkled her nose. She knew she wasn’t supposed to be rude, but, “That’s kinda boring. You can’t just lift weights all day.”

“Oh. I, well, I used to help my dad with his work.” She didn’t continue.

“But what about for fun? Miss Vanya plays her violin and Mommy watches telenovelas and I read.” 

“I… haven’t really done much for fun, recently. But, I like space? I used to build models of airplanes and rockets.”

“See! That’s fun. Do you want to do a puzzle together? Tia Penny got us one for Christmas that we haven’t made yet. She said it’s based on Van Gogh’s ‘Starry Night.’ I’m not really sure what that is, but it has stars! Have you been to the planetarium? It’s at the science museum, I love the science museum—”

Miss Louise listened to her the entire way home. She didn’t say much, but Emma could tell she was paying attention. People didn’t always pay attention. 

As soon as the walked into their apartment, Emma saw that Miss Vanya’s violin was out.

She turned to Miss Vanya and Mommy immediately. “Is it a lesson day?”

“Not today, la niña. It’s grocery day.”

This information didn’t curb Emma’s enthusiasm in the least. “Let’s go! Is Miss Louise staying for the weekend? Can we get poptarts?”

Miss Vanya was smiling, and so was Mommy. Miss Louise was carefully taking off her shoes by the door. Emma belatedly bounded over next to her to pull of her wet tennis shoes. Mommy pulled off her jacket to hang before Emma could run back. 

“Shower first,” Mommy said.

Before Emma even made a sound, Miss Vanya said, “You promised, Ems.”

Emma didn’t think it was fair that Mommy and Miss Vanya were ganging up on her. She flung her arms around Miss Vanya’s waist. “Will you buy poptarts if I do?”

“Hm, I might consider it. Maybe if you’re extra squeaky clean.”

Emma nodded and ran off. 

~

Louise knew there weren’t many people who made it to the age of twenty-two without ever grocery shopping, but there she was. Aisles and aisles of food, people meandering or rushing around and Lou didn’t know how to decide on anything.

She had never really chosen her own food before. At least, not if it wasn’t from a set menu. Luckily, Vanya seemed to anticipate her anxiety after Chris had asked, “We could do a special dinner for you? What do you like?”

See, Lou knew the right answer. The one that would grant her a nod from Father, with no downturn of his lips. Baked garlic salmon, deviled eggs, kidney beans, quinoa. Good muscle foods.

It was that moment that Louise realized she had never truly thought about what she liked. Just what would gain her points with Father.

Seven seemed to see the crisis Lou was experiencing written on her face, and she took over. She talked about some new recipe she thought One might like, and from then on, she only offered Lou choices between two or three things. 

It was becoming so obvious that Lou was broken.

Then came the library. 

Emma, the little girl who seemed to have an endless store of energy, ran straight off to the kids’ section, only to be seen an hour later carrying a stack of books half her height to where the adults sat. Vanya went to peruse the musty filing cabinets of yellowed sheet music to find something worth photo copying to learn. Chris found a table and pulled up her laptop.

Louise thought about finding a book on transitioning. There was a wall in her chest that stopped her every time she moved to do so. A voice in the back of her head was saying ‘you’re already telling everyone you’re a girl, isn’t that too much?’

She knew Vanya had mentioned thinking about career options, but that was also too much. Up until a day or two ago, she thought she’d always be a superhero.

It was longer than she’d like to admit, just standing there in the stacks, staring blankly at the blue spine of a book that she couldn’t even be bothered to read the name of. Then she thought about one of the many questions Emma had asked her that day. ‘What do you do for fun?’

Louise left the library with three books, all on the history of space. She thought she might enjoy reading them.

A lot had happened that day.

When they got back to Chris’s apartment and they started making dinner and Louise was just standing there in the way and she felt like she was about to snap. 

“Vanya?” she said, and she hated, in her very core, how meek she sounded. Talk about role reversal.

Vanya looked up from where she was grating cheese. Louise thought it was parmesan. “Yeah?”

“Could I…” asking permission from Seven what would Dad say—“could I go to your apartment for a few minutes? I think I need a shower.”

Her lips curled down, just the slightest amount, but she nodded. “My keys are on the coffee table, with the boxing gloves key chain. Dinner will be ready in like forty-five minutes.”

Lou nodded, deciding not to say anything else. She grabbed the keys and left. As the door was swinging shut, she heard, in Vanya’s voice fiercer than she could remember, “I know she’s trying but Jesus—”

The door shut and Lou decided not to think about it. She had a lot on her mind as it was.

Her shower was quick and efficient. She stole a bit of Vanya’s body wash. It smelled like lavender. 

Even with getting dressed, she still had thirty minutes before the estimated dinner time once she was ready. She couldn’t quite bring herself to go back to the apartment. To stand while the rest of them were being useful.

Was she useless? After all this time? Had she abandoned her only purpose?

A ringing interrupted her thoughts. A telephone ringing. Vanya’s telephone.

Louise let it ring out. She wasn’t Vanya. It wasn’t her responsibility to answer the phone. 

The phone started ringing again not even a minute later. 

“Motherfu—” Lou said, picking up the phone before finishing the curse. She hadn’t even started a greeting before the other person started talking.

“Vanya thank God you answered, it’s Patch and I’s one month tomorrow and I was thinking of planning a date night Friday? People do that right? I’m just nervous because, you know we’re—”

“Diego?” She couldn’t help it. She hadn’t expected her least favorite brother to be the one on the line.

“Wait, Luther?” The consolation of Diego’s confusion just barely outweighed the use of her old name.

She coughed. “Actually it’s, well, it’s Louise now. I’m trans.” No point in staying in the closet, she figured. All in or all out.

“Oh… Um, cool? Good… for you?” The silence between them stretched so long that Lou considered hanging up. 

“Um,” Diego finally said. “is Vanya there?”

“She’s next door, cooking dinner. I could… get her?”

“Ah, nah, don’t bother her. Just tell her to call me back?”

“Uh, yeah. Good… talking to you?” Louise couldn’t help the question in her voice. 

“Yeah.” And then the dial tone.

Lou didn’t bother to stifle her sigh of relief.

~

Dinner was nice. Vanya and Chris had made chicken and eggplant parmesan with buttered noodles. Vanya said she thought Lou would like it. She did. Chris even opened a bottle of white zinfandel to pair with it. 

Louise hadn’t thought she would enjoy herself.

She did.

Being out of the academy was freeing in a way she had never imagined. 

She hadn’t been gone long.

Quickly after dinner, Vanya went back to her apartment to call Diego. Louise surprised even herself by opting to stay at Chris and Emma’s and start reading one of the space books she checked out. 

After twenty or so minutes of that, Emma roped her into helping with the girl’s spelling homework, and by the time Chris decided it was ‘bed-time’, she and Emma were piecing their way through a puzzle.

~

*ring ring*

“Why is Lu—Lou—One at your place?”

“Hi Diego, how are you?”

“In a minute, Van, what is One there for?”

“Her name is Louise. She’s going to move in with me for a while.”

“She left?”

“Yeah. Last Night.”

“Shit.”

“Yeah. It’s good to see her out, though.”

“Ha, yeah, I wouldn’t wish that place on anyone.”

“So… what’s up?”

“Hm? Oh, yeah! Okay, so it’s Patch and I’s one month anniversary tomorrow. Do—Do people celebrate that? Because I’m thinking of taking her to a nice dinner on Friday. But is that enough? What if she’s expecting something tomorrow?—”

“I was in the hospital last week.”

“—so like should I—Wait, wh-What?”

“Yeah.”

“Vanya, what? What happened? Why didn’t you call me? I can be over in half an hour, do you need anything? You’re supposed to be the safe one, how did you get hurt?”

“Diego! I’m fine. You don’t need to come over. I just wanted to tell you.”

“You should have told me sooner. What were you thinking?

“I was thinking that you only ever call me when you need advice, and even then you never shut up long enough to listen!”

“Fuck Vanya! It’s not like you’re ever the one to reach out! I’m coming over.”

*click*

~

To say Diego was upset may have been an understatement. 

He practically slammed the phone back into its cradle, earning him a judgmental glare from his boss/landlord. He really needed to invest in a cell phone. Without another word he stormed outside, deciding it would be quicker to walk to Vanya’s than to wait for a taxi. 

His baby sister had been in the fucking hospital and she hadn’t even bothered to tell him. Which means she hadn’t bothered to tell any of their other siblings, even if One had apparently moved in with her.

Diego knew for a goddamn fact that he and Vanya were closer with each other than they were with anyone else after they moved out.

See, on their twenty-first birthday they had decided to go out together. It was the first, and only, time he got drunk and the night ended in Diego’s boiler room/ apartment with them being all sad about not talking to anyone ever. About being endlessly isolated and not knowing how to break that pattern.

Since then, he made sure to call Vanya at least every other week. God was she hard to talk to, but she would always answer, and sometimes they’d meet up for lunch, hell, she’d even come to his stupid community college graduation that December.

And now she was pulling shit like this. 

How had she even ended up in the hospital? Other than a time he only vaguely remembered when they were toddlers, Vanya had never really been a sick kid. It was always Ben with a cold, or Allison with strep, or Klaus, whose immune system went off the rails once he really got into drugs. Not Vanya.

Which was why there was that sinking feeling in his gut. Someone must have hurt his sister.

He was going to find them and skin them alive. 

A combination of his fitness and his rage-fueled walking speed meant he was at Vanya’s in about fifteen minutes, the fastest he’d even made that walk. Some voice in the back of his mind wondered how low he could get his mile time if he got sufficiently pissed off beforehand. 

He was barely in front of her door when he started pounding on it. It took four pounds for Vanya to open it.

Diego immediately grabbed her by the shoulders, looking her up and down, searching for injuries. 

“Hello to you too, Di,” she said, with only a slight roll of her eyes. 

“Okay, Vanya, you don’t get to give me sass.” She stood aside and Diego walked into her apartment, seeing two mugs of tea already steaming on the coffee table. “When were you going to tell me you had been in the hospital?”

Vanya ignored the question entirely, just sitting down in one corner of the couch, curling up with a mug in her hands, she blew at it lightly.

He scowled and sat next to her, grabbing the other mug. “Peppermint?” he asked.

“Yeah, with two sugars.”

The way she knew how he took his tea so easily made him even angrier. He focused on taking a few deep breaths before saying anything. Patch had chewed him out enough times for yelling anytime he was stressed. Apparently, he needed to ‘control his temper’. 

“I didn’t know if I’d tell you at all,” she said, biting the inside of her cheek. “I knew you’d worry.”

“Of fucking course I’m worried!” He thought he at least had one sibling with common sense. He was being proved so wrong.

The lamp in the corner flickered. Diego narrowed his eyes at it. “Do you need lightbulbs.”

Vanya sighed, and Diego had to stop himself from scowling at her. “That’s the first time it’s flickered, I have some in the linen closet.”

Diego set down his mug, a little harder than necessary, and glared at the light as it flickered again. He turned it off, went and got a spare and quickly switched them out, throwing the used bulb and packaging for the new bulb away before sitting back down and sipping at his tea. Vanya said nothing all the while.

No one had ever said Two and Seven were good conversationalists. 

Once he was sitting again, watching Vanya drum her fingers against the side of her mug, he sighed. As calmly as he could, he said, “Will you please tell me what happened? Just so I know who to beat up.”

“I’m pretty sure cops can’t just beat people up, Di.” She huffed a small humorless laugh. He didn’t bother justifying that with a response. “Look, it was my own fault. I had a bad reaction to my meds, it isn’t a big deal.”

He studied her. His gut was screaming that she was still hiding something, but part of him, a part that sounded suspiciously like Patch, was telling him to drop it. He didn’t really want to fight with her.

“Okay.” He ran his hands over his face. He didn’t think he was supposed to feel this old at twenty-two. “So…”

“So…” she said in response, drinking her tea. 

“L—One’s been living here? I, uh, what’s she calling herself again?”

“Louise. Lou for short. And yeah? Just for the last night, but I think it’ll be a longer-term thing.”

Diego raised his eyebrows. “Shit, she really left home, huh?”

“Finally,” Vanya said with a small nod. “She’s next door with Chris and Emma now.”

“How are they doing?” He had met them a few times, he liked them. It was good for Vanya to interact with people other than him and her students. 

“They’re doing really well! We’re actually looking for a house to rent together, starting this summer.”

Diego snorted. “What, you got tired of living alone so quick?” She didn’t say anything, just shrugged, but he saw her tense up. “Is Louise coming with you?”

“Um, yeah, I think so.” Vanya chewed on her lip, thinking about her next words. “You know how hard it was for us when we first moved out.”

“Yeah.”

He didn’t really like to think about then. It wasn’t an easy time. He barely ate for days at a time, too nervous to go into stores. He got into a lot of fights before he found the gym. 

“Do…” Vanya trailed off.

“What?”

She frowned at him, almost even a scowl. “Do you think you could at least try to avoid fighting with her? It might be nice to have a family dinner or something sometime.”

“I think we’re down a few siblings for that.”

“Baby steps.” 

They chuckled.

“I’ll not pick fights,” he said after a moment. “But, if she starts shit—”

“I’ll talk to her too.”

They both sipped their tea. All their big conversation topics seemed taken care of. Then Vanya spoke up again.

“So, one month with Patch, huh?”

Diego felt his face turn red.

~

Diego was on his way out when Lou walked in. It was the first time Diego had seen her since… shit, since the funeral. In all honesty, he’d been hoping to leave before seeing her, put it off a while longer. 

Looking at her made it harder for Diego to get her pronouns right. He hated that, he had enough problems with his older br—sibl—sister without him disrespecting h-her pronouns. 

He settled for nodding at her, sticking his hand out for a shake.

Louise studied him. She grabbed his hand, not nearly crushing his hand the way he was used to, she just shook it lightly and let go, moving around him to set her stuff on the breakfast bar. 

Diego felt safe then to turn back to Vanya, to give her a quick squeeze.

“I’ll talk to Eudora, but Sunday should be good,” he said.

“Okay, bye Di.”

“Lock your door behind me,” he said, a common farewell, and with that, he left. 

There was a lot he needed to talk to Patch about, probably during their workout the next morning. She was always better at knowing how he was feeling than he was. 

~

Thursday morning was much the same as Wednesday, as far as Chris was concerned. She was making breakfast when Vanya and, an addition to the routine, Louise came in to help get Emma ready for school.

Chris could handle things herself. She’d proven that over and over and over again as an eighteen-year-old mom, soon to be single. But it was such a relief to have this new assistance in caring for Emma.

She poured Vanya a coffee and gave Lou water after she refused anything else. Chris sat with them once she’d packed Emma’s lunch. The girl in question came into the room just seconds later.

“Good morning Miss Vanya! Good morning Miss Louise!” As she went, she kissed each of them quick on the forehead, a trait she’d picked up from her Ita, Chris’s mom. “Good morning Mommy!”

“Eat your breakfast,” Chris said, patting her daughter on the head as she passed.

“Mommy!” Emma jumped away, smoothing down her hair dramatically. “You could have messed up my hair!”

“Sorry, la niña, I didn’t mean to.” Emma nodded, and Chris saw Vanya stifle a giggle in her mug.

Once Emma sat down, Chris looked over everyone. Her family was growing, and not in the way she’d always imagined, with a new husband and more kids. Family was family, though, no matter how they got that title. And Chris was somehow the head of this one.

“Okay, everyone,” Chris checked her watch, plenty of time. “What’s the plan today?”

“School! And Neveah asked if I can come over after, her brother got a Wii for his birthday and we want to play Mario Kart,” Emma said around the chewed-up egg and pop tart in her mouth.

“I’ll text her mom, make sure it’s all right with her. How are you getting there?”

“Neveah’s brother is ten, and her older sister who’s in junior high and brother who’s in high school meet them to walk home all together.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Chris looked over to Vanya.

Vanya, as usual, took a moment to get used to being seen. “Well, I need to practice, I saw an add about an orchestra having open call auditions in a couple weeks. Then, there’s that thing at eleven.”

“Will you still teach me if you’re in an orchestra?” Emma asked, a serious look in her eyes.

“Of course.” Vanya laughed a little.

Emma nodded, finding that an adequate answer, and shoved the rest of her pop tart in her mouth. 

Chris didn’t know what the ‘thing at eleven’ was, but she decided to give Vanya the benefit of the doubt, thinking she might not want to say anything in front of Lou.

Speaking of Lou, she looked like she might crush the fork in her hand she was so tense. Chris quickly thought of something to do for the day. A new episode of ‘Por ella soy Eva’ aired that evening, and there were chores to do before that but maybe…

“Lou?” Chris said, quickly getting her attention. “We could type up your resume today? Maybe walk around to give it to a few places?”

“Um, ok. I might need new clothes soon? I couldn’t bring much.”

Chris mentally kicked herself for forgetting. The t-shirt Lou was wearing that morning was worn through in places. “Maybe once Vanya is done, we can find you some stuff.”

Louise nodded. 

Alright, that wasn’t too difficult. Chris could handle this. She didn’t let herself think about how much harder it would be once the adults were working regularly. That was a problem for future her.

~

There were only a few things in the world that were more familiar to Vanya than riding a bus. Buses were calm, a tense calm, a precipice of arrival. The air was taut, thrumming, a violin string resonating, silent, waiting.

Her fingers tap- tap- tapped, her pocket was empty. It felt like the walls were constricting, they wanted to choke her out. 

She didn’t realize her shoes were white on the ends before then.

“Next stop: Jameson Road,” the bus’s automated voice said, jolting her out of her thoughts. That was her stop, and the promise of her journey’s end did nothing to calm her anxieties. 

She got off the bus with a nod to the driver and tried to use the block-long walk to steady her nerves. When that failed, she ducked into an alley and emptied her stomach behind a dumpster. She wished that it was a more foreign feeling. 

She was three minutes late for visiting hours and that was almost enough to dissuade her from opening the door.

She still went in.

“Hi, I’m Vanya Hargreeves, I’m here to visit Klaus Hargreeves.”

“Of course, hun, let me get you signed in real quick then I’ll take you back.”

Vanya waited for the woman to fill out some form, and she handed over her ID to verify she was who she said she was. She followed the nurse through a few halls, resolutely ignoring the familiarity of the blue carpets and cream walls.

It was easy enough to keep her eyes forward, not processing her surrounding, not the other visitors, not the smell of some cafeteria meal cooking a room or so over, not the nurse leaving to fetch Klaus.

But it was impossible to maintain that fuzzy haze once Klaus walked into the room. 

It was ironic really, the way he forced life onto any room he entered even as he looked like death, even as he was surrounded by it.

Nonetheless, he danced, rather straight-lined in his sobriety, over to the table she sat at and basically collapsed into the chair across from her upon his arrival. 

She looked him over carefully. He had facial hair now, she thought it was meant to be a goatee, but it looked like Klaus wasn’t bothering to keep up with grooming it. His hair was in its typically disarray, and even in his ‘hospital approved’ clothing, she could tell he was still thriving in edgy fashion choices. His eyeliner even helped to cover up the exhaustion that was blackening his eyes too. And he was so thin. More than she could remember him ever being.

Something in him reminded Vanya of spun glass. She couldn’t decide why.

“Vanya!” he clapped a little. “Look at you! All grown up!”

If Vanya was feeling even the slightest bit more relaxed, she may have joked with him. As it was, her mouth tasted of vomit and her fingers wouldn’t stop looking for a pill and what was up with the weather—

“Hey, Klaus,” Vanya said. “You know we saw each other about a year ago, right? I haven’t grown at all since then. 

He laughed, a performative laugh. She tried not to get angry at him for his fakeness. He’d always been like that, and—now that she was learning firsthand the effects of withdrawal—if it was how he needed to cope, whatever.

“You haven’t grown a millimeter since we were fourteen, meine schwester.”

Foreign, like something unearthed from epochs ago, an urge rose in her to joke back at him. She swallowed it down. It would be too easy to pretend they were kids again, and they knew enough about each other that they never had to talk about it. Things were different then.

“How’re you doing in here?” Vanya decided to say, after what felt a decade of rolling words around in her mind.

Klaus’s fingers drummed on the table and his eyes darted off to the side. 

It reminded her of playing the piano with him, way back when they were eight and didn’t know better. 

She missed her brother.

She didn’t know how to find him.

“Did you know Diego has a girlfriend?” Vanya said, not letting Klaus respond to her last question, cutting him off with his half-open mouth. Serious shit could wait. 

“Wait… Diego.” He looked at her, thinly veiled mirth dancing on his face. “Our Diego. The Diego who once said, and I quote, ‘I’m too busy for kissing, I’ve gotta throw my knives.’”

Vanya let herself smile, the left side of her mouth turning up. “That was when Allison was mad at him for teasing her, yeah? I believe the exact quote was, ‘Why would I want to kiss anyone if there’s no knives?’”

Klaus laughed, and though she didn’t know him anymore, she thought it could have been genuine. She giggled a little bit too. 

~

Ben was watching, wasn’t he always? 

Part of him wanted to scream, to tell his two emotionally stunted siblings to hurry the hell up and support each other already, couldn’t they tell they needed it?

All of him thought, maybe, just maybe, that that was the start of things being okay.

He wished he could let out a sigh of relief.

~

In Vanya’s empty apartment, the phone was ringing with a call that wasn’t expected for another eight days.

“Vanya? Hey, it’s me. I’m going to be in town to film next week, I just got asked to fill in for this thing, its super last minute, but I thought, if I have a minute, we should grab coffee? Or lunch or something. It would be a lot more fun than just waiting for our monthly phone call. 

“Okay! I should get going, I have a meeting with my agent in a few minutes, just give me a call and we’ll figure a time out! KK, gotta go, bye!”

With that, the squeal of that last word, Allison hung up.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, as always!!!!!
> 
> I will make absolutely no promises for the length or completion rate of this series, but note! It is a series now
> 
> These characters man........


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